What Is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel parenting is a general approach to decision-making responsibility and day-to-day parenting designed for separated parents who have a hard time communicating or cooperating directly, but who can each still parent effectively on their own. Rather than requiring parents to jointly discuss and agree on every decision, a parallel parenting arrangement generally divides responsibility so each parent makes most day-to-day and even some significant decisions independently during their own parenting time, with minimal need for real-time coordination.
How It Differs From Joint Decision-Making
Joint decision-making generally assumes parents can communicate reasonably well and reach decisions together on significant matters like education, health care, and religion. Parallel parenting is generally designed for the opposite situation — where ongoing joint discussion tends to generate conflict rather than resolve it. Instead of shared discussion, a parallel plan generally allocates specific areas of responsibility to each parent separately, or sets out detailed, pre-agreed rules and schedules that reduce the need for the parents to interact and negotiate in the moment.
When It Tends to Make Sense
Parallel parenting tends to come up as an option where parents have a documented history of high conflict, where direct communication tends to escalate disputes, or where previous joint arrangements haven't worked well in practice. It's generally not about either parent being unfit — it's generally a structural response to a communication problem between the parents, aimed at protecting children from being caught in the middle of ongoing disputes. See our guide to the best interests of the child for the broader standard any parenting arrangement is generally measured against.
What It Can Look Like in Practice
In practice, a parallel parenting plan can involve detailed, specific schedules that minimize ambiguity, each parent having defined authority over certain decisions (for example, one parent generally handling school-related decisions and the other generally handling extracurricular activities), and communication happening through limited, structured channels — such as a co-parenting app or written communication only — rather than frequent direct conversation. See our guide to creating a parenting plan for the general building blocks any plan, parallel or otherwise, tends to include.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is parallel parenting the same as sole decision-making?
Not necessarily. Parallel parenting can still divide specific decision-making areas between both parents; it's generally the coordination process that's restructured, not always the allocation of authority itself.
Does parallel parenting mean the parents are in equal conflict?
Not always equally, but it's generally considered where ongoing direct communication between the parents tends to create conflict that can affect the children.
Can a parallel parenting plan include a detailed schedule?
Yes, generally. Reducing ambiguity through a detailed, specific schedule is often a core feature, since it reduces the need for ongoing negotiation between the parents.
Is parallel parenting ordered by a court, or do parents agree to it?
It can be either — parents can agree to a parallel structure in a parenting plan or separation agreement, or a court can order it as part of resolving a parenting dispute, depending on the circumstances.
How is parallel parenting different from supervised parenting time?
They address different concerns. Parallel parenting is generally about reducing direct coordination between parents; supervised parenting time is generally about a third party overseeing a child's time with a parent for safety or other reasons. See our guide to supervised parenting time.